JFK even famously said the combined abilities of 49 Nobel Prize winners couldn't compare to the brainpower of a lone Thomas Jefferson. Such was the badassery of Jefferson that Kennedy even said that to their faces.
Thomas Jefferson was a terrible public speaker. Not only was he neither charismatic nor eloquent, but the man was a walking cloud of stage fright. Some historians think he had a stuttering problem.
|He was also a bit of a drama queen.|
|We'd hesitate to go out in public with a hair pyramid like that, too.|
Jefferson made up for his lack of stage presence in the same way that bad metal bands do -- by wearing ridiculous clothes. His pants were a hideous shade of red, and he often looked like he had dressed in the dark. He'd intentionally wear ridiculously out-of-fashion clothes, with different styles randomly thrown together in a way that was impossible not to notice.
|T.J., seen here peacocking like a pro.|
|Cheney acted as an adviser to both administrations.|
As president, he was a vocal opponent of slavery and supported education advancement, which could make one think that his failure to get re-elected was due to his simply being too smart -- and too ahead of his time -- for the voting public.
|It didn't help that he had Gary Busey Eyes|
John Quincy Adams thought the Earth was hollow. He greenlighted an expedition to prove it, at taxpayer expense.
|If the venture had been successful, America's Mushroom Reserve would have been secured for generations.|
Symmes spent his entire life advocating his hollow-Earth theory on the literary circuit and gained quite a few followers. True, those were simpler times, but they sure as hell weren't that simple -- the hollow-Earth theory was already known to be utter bullshit. What Symmes proposed was the 1800s equivalent to sending people to the moon to find cheese. He wanted to mount an expedition to silence his critics and also to conduct trade with the mole people.
|Unfortunately for Adams, the Mole People and the Crab People went to war shortly thereafter. The resultant conflict came to be known as "America's Secret Underground Vietnam."|
Adams approved the expedition, which would venture to the North Pole, where the entrance to the underworld was supposedly located. Unfortunately, the crazy road trip never came to be, as Adams left office before anything could be done. As luck would have it, his successor, Andrew Jackson, was a man who believed the world was flat. Naturally, Jackson promptly canceled the expedition and along with it, dashing of contacting mole people.
|There'd be less weed and more British people.|
|The man had more style than our last 10 presidents combined.|
George Washington was simply not a good military commander. Sure, he was great at the political aspects of the job and made a great symbol for people to rally around, but when it came to strategy, he simply lost virtually every major battle that he fought. It was true even going back to his pre-Revolution days with the British army. Once, when sent to capture a French fort, his men accidentally opened fire on another British unit instead. Then, during the Revolution, his major early accomplishments involved being really good at retreating (such as successfully getting his men away after being soundly beaten in the largest engagement of the war, the Battle of Long Island).
|Where he started the beloved American tradition of tearing down statues to distract people from military difficulties.|
|Which, based on this painting, would have been roughly four feet long.|